Im not the type of person that, quits, or give up on a fight. So I never thought I would ever say this, but I am giving up this fight. I cant go on letting people believe I am okay. I cant keep forcing myself to do things with friends, or anyone actually. For the past two years I have forced myself to go out and see my friends, and try and live my life despite this awful disease, but that just leads people to think I am not as sick as I say I am. So im going to give up, Im gonna let the depression come in, and the disease take over, like it has been trying to for too long.
I thought my parents had changed, I thought after all these years they finally believed that I truly was hurt and sick all those times they thought I wasnt. I guess I was wrong, they still dont believe. Today my mom said she thinks I just dont wanna go to school, because I can go with friends, but not go to school? I dont want to go with friends, I just didnt want to loose the few I have left, so I would force myself to go, no matter how miserable it was for me to do so.
Eventually people will probably see how I really feel, I cant hold back the pain, and tears much longer, they are going to have to come out. Maybe now people will start to take me seriously and believe me and realize I need help, and quick, I need my life back. I dont want to go back to going to bed at night wishing I wouldnt wake up. I dont want to let the depression sink in, but I know it will eventually, and I just hope I will be strong enough to handle it.
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