Just when you think everything's getting good, life fucks you and reality hits, it always will.
I tell myself I'm fine but in reality I'm dying everyday. You know what the best part is? No one knows, and no one cares.... There I was again tonight forcing laughter, faking smiles, same old tired, lonely place. They think I'm fine they say I don't act depressed, well sometimes silence is the most powerful scream. I'm so tired of being stuck between hope and hell.
All my friends are graduating and going to college and honestly I don't ever see myself going very far or ever doing anything with my life. I used to have hope in doing something I love but now nothing seems realistic or possible. I wanna go to college so bad, live a normal life. But most of all get out of this house get away from everyone here. I hate being at home now, but than again I don't really feel well enough to do much either. My aunt lives with us now which has just added a bunch of stress to my life but I guess she has no where else to go. I never wanna have friends over cause she's there, I never know when she's gonna be crazy. Sometimes she's so crazy it scares me I'm afraid she's gonna hurt me or someone else, ever since she's been here I've kept a knife out just in case. I don't think she would ever really do anything but she really scares me sometimes and you never know.
I was started back on antidepressants, yeah they may work some but now I just feel terribly sad and depressed instead of feeling nothing, and just feeling emptiness. Shunts probably broken and something is wrong with my neck but no ones doing anything or even really cares so I just suffer in silence keeping it all locked inside.
