Update

I haven't got around to posting a update but a lot has gone on!
We did lidocaine for about an hour, and than I don't remember this but they switched to Ketamine! So I did Ketamine for 5 days. We did it different everyday though trying different things out as I was having side effects. My mom said they did 500 mg a day sometimes, and others we lowered it to see if I reacted different. I was 100% out, unresponsive and my mom said my eyes were glassy and moving back and forth quickly. I don't remember much other than I was in a completely different world. I would wake up and not know where I was, who I was, or who anyone else was! Scary!
I would hallucinate for a long time, somedays it would continue for 5 hours! And wouldn't be able to walk for a long time! It helped my pain but of course I over did things too fast, I went to the rodeo and walked around. Now my pain is back up.
I will be starting warm water aqua therapy 3 times a week. Than my Homebound schooling is finally being set up again! They finally found a teacher and my mom has a meeting on Monday.
My doctor has also mentioned I may have a metobalic disorder, maybe Mitochondrial disease? So I guess we will be looking into that. A lot of kids with RSD happen to have this too it's weird and my mom said she was glancing through a article someone posted and came across it saying characteristic include short arms and fingers! We have always talked about how short my arms are and my hands! I can't even fit a regular size gun which for someone who is 5'8" that's not normal! So we will see who knows!

They gave me a lot of versed during the Ketamine, and they say that's kinda like the truth serum. Well guess what I talked about for 2 hours everyday while I was waking up, horses and how much I love them and want a horse! It was probably very funny! I also admitted to being depressed, which I actually kinda remember that. Don't really know what to say about that though.

Well I'm gonna end it here, I'm really tired and I hurt pretty bad. /:

This place is so empty ny thoughts are so tempting I dont know how it got so bad.

I don't know how no one can realize how broken I am, and that I need help.
I have come to realize why my brother is the way he is, I understand now. I have come so close to being like him, somehow I am able to convince myself not to go down that path, but its getting harder and harder. Life is getting harder and harder.
Its only getting harder to walk, my legs feel like jello, nerves are being pinched in my back from the injury, and my legs kill me to walk.
I cant do this anymore, I hate my life, yeah I finally admitted I am not that positive strong person everyone thinks I am.
Ive been waiting to get my school started so maybe seeing myself getting caught up, and everything will make me feel better, but at this point we have like 5 months of school left. There is no way I am gonna get caught up now.
I am going to spend my money on noise cancelling headphones so I shut this damn world out. I can than live in my own little world, and no one can piss me off. It would be nice until I have to return back to reality.

Quick Update!

First off I want to miss my cousin, my best friend, Shelby a happy birthday. Her birthday is actually tomorrow February 6th but I dont know if I will get a chance to post tomorrow.
We grew up together, we were and still are like sisters. She has been by my side through all this mess. She has always been one that understood that the pain is really bad, and real. She has seen me break bones, and have all sorts of injuries. I never cried with those injuries, and than she has seen me now after my accident.
She had a car accident a few weeks ago and we went out to eat and she said after the accident she thought of me. She said all I could think about is how my life could of been turned upside down in those few seconds, its crazy how fast everything can go wrong when you least expect it.
Tomorrow she will turn 18, its crazy how fast time flies, next year she will be going off to college! I hope somewhere close so I can still see her! Dont know what I am going to do if she chooses somewhere far, I guess we will just have to have skype dates.
Well I hope you have a really good birthday, stay safe but still have fun. Love you big cuz :)

Now for my update! I saw the new doctor on Thursday, it went as expected, which was really good! They set me up for lidocaine infusions for 5 days in a row. I will start next Monday, so wish me luck!
Than we also talked about doing Ketamine but they wanted to give the lidocaine a shot first.
He was a really nice doctor, and seemed very knowledgeable about RSD. He also is the first person to ever use this infer-ed gun looking thing to take the temp of my arms and legs. My legs were colder than my arms, which he said is usually the case with RSD.

Well I just wanted to do a quick update so there you go! I need to start trying to get some rest.
Next week I hope will be a good week have something to look forward to every day. Monday is Pretty Little Liars, Tuesday is appointment with Psychologist and Chicken Express, Wednesday is Challenge Battle Of The Exes, Thursday is Vampire Diaries, and Friday is Sweet Home Alabama! :)