I don't know how no one can realize how broken I am, and that I need help.
I have come to realize why my brother is the way he is, I understand now. I have come so close to being like him, somehow I am able to convince myself not to go down that path, but its getting harder and harder. Life is getting harder and harder.
Its only getting harder to walk, my legs feel like jello, nerves are being pinched in my back from the injury, and my legs kill me to walk.
I cant do this anymore, I hate my life, yeah I finally admitted I am not that positive strong person everyone thinks I am.
Ive been waiting to get my school started so maybe seeing myself getting caught up, and everything will make me feel better, but at this point we have like 5 months of school left. There is no way I am gonna get caught up now.
I am going to spend my money on noise cancelling headphones so I shut this damn world out. I can than live in my own little world, and no one can piss me off. It would be nice until I have to return back to reality.
What a pathetic specimen of humanity. You need a kick up the butt and told to get on with living.Not hang onto your ellusive "illness" as an excuse.
ReplyDeleteSome of us are dying but would prefer to live.
What do I do on the beach when people stare at my body with no legs because they were removed due to cancer, 1 year ago when I was 20 years old..what do I do...I stare right back and if they are near enough I wriggle onto my front so they can see my amputations were high right up to include the buttock, look up disarticulation of hip then tell me you still think you are badly off.
I expect you will not have the courage or the sense to leave this post here so that others can see what real death is, you want the whole blog to yourself. Not much point in having one if you don't want comments. So when you delete it, please delete all of your pathetic little girl who is sorry for herself blog at the same time.
I do know what your supposed disease is, I have seen people in the amputation rehab who have it but I do not see any evidence that you have it.
Karyn D you are obviously a bitter hate filled person, I am sorry for you. I will pray for you. Leave this poor girl alone. I have RSD and until you walk in someones shoes, you can't judge. RSD is hell on earth. I won't judge you, but know you must be so miserable to take it out on an innocent person that has done nothing to you. Again, all I can do is pray.
DeleteAt last.....A conversation of sorts. Yes I had to appear to be nasty but and think what you like of me( by the way, the walk in others shoes comment was a bit more than nasty on your part. Anyway my purpose was to get some conversation and opinions going, NOT about me nor for people to insult me it is NOT about ME but is about the contents of this blog. No one offers any comment either negative or positive and it took a very negative one to get a reply.
ReplyDeleteNo one offers any support or advice, no one offers any medical opinions, no one offers this child anything.
She may as well write a personal journal than a public blog. Why does no one comment on what this girl writes and she is but a child asking for help, but no one offers it.
You are quick to judge me, but you have RSD/ CRPS and you have offered nothing to a child crying to be helped.
That to me is sad, help HER do not take a hit at me, use your prayers on her not me because for me there is no god.
NOW get this going and help her.
BTW I am not miserable nor full of hate, I am quite simply trying to help others in the last year of my life.
I have been through the stages this young girl is going through but I can't help because my disease is very very different.
I fully accept my death will be soon and I hate to see others not being allowed to take what little enjoyment they can out of the life they have all because of lack of help. Leave this poor girl alone you say, no...do not but do get your experience out here and help the poor girl.
KD
I do know her. I do help her. Not in this public blog. In fact there are many people in our group that help each other in positive ways, just not here for all to see.
DeleteForgive my ignorance then and tell me the point of a blog? Serious question.
ReplyDeleteYou said not here for all to see, so why publish a blog for all to see.
Why not a private thing within a private blog instead of leaving those who don't know what help is being given thinking that no help is being given.
Or others looking for help reading it and thinking no help here so they move on.
I understand the need some have to talk about their illness and this is a child so her need is greater.
Should she not be "guided" to discuss her needs in a more private setting, the open internet can be a cruel and dangerous place.
I am not that far out of childhood to have forgotten but now my need is for privacy and to sometimes shock by allowing my body (dressed) to be seen and I do not understand this publish your personal diary for all to see. As you stare death in the face you become more curious about how others percieve life.
Can you explain this open blog thing to me?
Perhaps I am still a child of the internet I didn't have the time to roam around at random until I became ill, now all these faceless people talking about their intimate thoughts confuse me.
If my own illness were not so obvious I would not have told anyone and as of now very very few know I am dying because I believe it is a deeply private thing.
I am not going to argue with random strangers on the internet to prove my point, because it is just useless. But I did want to say, no one is asking you to read this, this is more of a personal blog so I can get my emotions out. I have a hard time talking about my feelings, and everything but I have no problem spilling things out and venting on the internet. Dont read this if you are just going to say rude things.
DeleteI don't think you understood what this was all about.
ReplyDeletePoint 1.
I could not understand why no one was helping you or even replying to your posts to offer support.
Point 2
I was intentionally rude as I have already explained, not to hurt you but to see if I could provoke a reaction.
Point 3
That was sucessful proving at least one other person was interested enough to read your blog.
Point 4.
I am aware I came across as rude that was my intention but at no point did I wish to argue with you.
Point 5.
If no one appers to read this then yes your random strangers will be left thinking....no one replies no one cares.
Now if you don't want people to comment be it negative or postive or just a simple comment to say they had read your updates then WHY make this public.
That was my question in the last response and remains my question in this one.
If something is public you are going to get all kind of comments, all kind of discussions popping up not always about your health but maybe about something simple like did you have a nice day with the baby?
I'm not even sure what point you are trying to prove.
If you find comfort in writing then do it but if you don't want comments on what you write then don't do it in public.
By your reasoning I can only reply if I say something nice but the real world isn't like that. If I told you the very unpleasant comments I have had made about my amputations you would perhaps understand more about why I wonder why you risk unpleasant comments by blogging in a public place,
No,I don't need to read this, nor do you need to put it in a public place.
I read it because it was about something I know little about and I responded because I was concerned that no one cared.
Apart from your friend who also replied it does "look" like no one cares enough to comment.
If it's a personal blog as you say with comments not wanted then put it in a personal place. Otherwise it serves no purpose at all.
To the best of my knowledge I thought this public blog was here to attract comments as most are.
With all due respect......if you don't want comments then do not do this in public, you never know who will read it.
Personal is by it's nature also private.
You are in a VERY public place.
These comments are not about your ilness but more about a child posting personal things to a world full of very mentally "sick" sexual deviants.
Now please read it carefully and not with anger it is not rude it is caring.
Delete the entire thread if you wish, that is your right. For the rest of the kids with RSD can you not try to share positive things with them?
Que sera sera.
Good luck with your recovery and yes you will recover.
ReplyDeleteYou will no doubt be glad to hear I will no longer be watching your blog.
My job here on this earth is finishing faster than we thought and as it finishes so does my energy to sit up at a computer.
As you reach this stage you get a very deep awareness of the aura of others and even though you think I never saw you in real life, I did, twice in fact. Your aura is strong. You will recover so be patient and take your strength from those who love you.
The rest of your life will be so much sweeter when you can compare what is to come to that you have already lived through but for that you have to wait just a little longer just a couple of months more and then your life will change.
You no doubt think I am crazy and escaped from a mental institution but I can assure you I am as sane as any person you met in real life all that is different is my hightened awareness of life as my death comes now so close.
I do wish I could have spoken to you as I know I could have helped you through this phase of life.
I am not mad all I am is a healer or that should be all I was.
If you believe in an invisible God then believe in me too, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
You must learn to trust.
I don't expect a reply and I would probably never see it anyway.
This I feel is my last day before I give in and accept the drugs to control my pain and let myself leave my now useless body.
Where does someone like me who has no God go..well I don't know nor can I yet sense it, probably I just cease to exsist.
I wish you well and if I can see from wherever I go now, I will take great pleasure in watching your recovery.
Be at peace with yourself.