Anyone who suffers from chronic pain knows that there are a lot of things we all hate hearing, and that hurt us when they are said, but for those that dont live with it they may not realize its hurtful. Here are some things not to say to someone in chronic pain.
1. You Don't Look Sick
2. Maybe If You Just Got Out More
3. You Can Learn To Live With It
4. You'll Just Have To Tuff It Out
5. It's All In Your Head
6. You're Just Having A Bad Day
7. This Will Pass
8. Just Get More Exercise
9. It Can't Be That Bad
10. It Must Be Neat Not To Have To Work/Go To School
11. Just Be More Positive
12. It Could Be Worse
13. There's People Worse Off Than You
2. Maybe If You Just Got Out More
3. You Can Learn To Live With It
4. You'll Just Have To Tuff It Out
5. It's All In Your Head
6. You're Just Having A Bad Day
7. This Will Pass
8. Just Get More Exercise
9. It Can't Be That Bad
10. It Must Be Neat Not To Have To Work/Go To School
11. Just Be More Positive
12. It Could Be Worse
13. There's People Worse Off Than You
14. At Least Its Not Cancer
15. I Completely Understand
16. Why Aren’t You Healed Yet
17. Look At The Bright Side.
18. So Many People Are Praying, I Know That You’ll Be Healed.
19. If You Just Believe You Will Be Healed
Hi Kendall. I saw your site on Jessica Steven's blog and I wanted to check it out and introduce myself, electronically at least.
ReplyDeleteI have a poignant story emphasizing many of the pet peeves listed above in your post. I get around via the handicap van service in our University city. Although it is very painful for me to ride in the van, I am grateful for it and have come to love my fellow passengers and the compassionate & dedicated drivers. One particularly outspoken, Type A woman who had lost her eyesight due to a freak complication to a very common eye surgery seemed to get put on the same bat van, same bat time as me almost every day. Although I liked & admired her for her courage, it seemed like she increasingly had comments for me like the ones in your post above...one only had to take charge of the pain, ignore it, mind over matter...and insinuating that I was weak for using the van service, etc. Her comments increasingly hurt & humiliated me. Finally I asked her how she would approach a painful neurological disease like RSD. She answered that she would refuse to acknowledge the pain, use will power to master it and simply not let it bother her. I then asked her why she didn't do that with her optic nerves and will herself to see again. Her jaw actually dropped; I don't think she was used to anyone standing up to her, and I think she finally "got it". Since that day, things were much better between us, and I truly am grateful that God gave me the courage to "speak the truth with love" and educate someone who was that misguided. A few weeks ago she died of cancer. Instead of having mixed feelings of guilt and resentment at her passing, I have many beautiful and fun memories of this strong & very unique woman.
I've also become aware of a truth that's hidden in plain sight: most people who are rude, hurtful and inconsiderate of pain sufferers are that way because if they admit that something like RSD could happen to you through no fault of your own, it could happen to THEM and they cannot deal with this. Therefore, you must have done something to deserve it; you don't get enough exercise, you feel sorry for yourself; you want to get a buzz off the painkillers...there is no end to the things the human mind can create to protect itself from truth that it isn't ready to deal with.
And there's a silver lining for me in this whole RSD ordeal; I no longer have to desperately keep the safe little world inside my mind intact at the expense of people who are already suffering enough. And this has made me a much better person, as it will for anyone willing to try it and to let God help them.
I look forward to following your online journey and sincerely hope that you find relief miraculously soon.
Thank you for taking the time to check out my page!
ReplyDeleteGood for you for standing up for yourself. I have never looked at it that way but I could definitely see that. That is so true, I believe everything happens for a reason, and even though its sometimes hard to believe that I still do.