Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Were Going Nowhere...

I feel like we aren't going anywhere at all with anything. We are waiting on getting enough of the Ketamine and other drugs to do that for the RSD. The doctors still think my back injury is going to heal, which I have kinda given up on. I mean its been 7 months, and it has only gotten worse and they still say "Well your young it will heal"
I figured if it was going to heal it would of already or at least I would be getting better not worse right?
Still have no answers for everything else going on, which no one seems to care about, and doesn't even bother to look into anything else. I want answers and I want help! I don't want to lay here waiting for some miracle to happen, how am I supposed to get answers by just laying here.
Cant really walk much at all, went to a friends house and that was way too much for me, felt like passing out, and was really weak, and I was laying in her bed its not like we were doing anything.
Also went to this painting place, and I will never do that again! Couldn't even stand sitting there.
So my life consists of Aqua Therapy, Psychologist, and School. Which that right there makes me so tired and makes me feel like I am dying.
I am supposed to go to my ranch on Thursday. Part of me wants to go because I have not been in forever but the other part of me doesn't want to go at all. I don't want to drive there and I feel like once I get there what am I gonna do? I can't even do anything! And I honestly don't feel like pretending everything is okay and I am happy, and having to make it seem like I am not falling apart and dying inside.

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